As my prize for winning the Reader’s Choice portion of Lori Foster’s Brava Novella Contest, I won a 6-month Kensington Book Club membership.
My first four books arrived yesterday. I’d never heard of any of the books or the authors who wrote them so I looked them up on Amazon to see what they were about and what the readers thought of them. I noticed a few comments were made about the level of sensuality, such as “Rather low on the sensuality scale”. For me, this made me not want to read the books.
Why? I wondered. 
Is it because I write “hotter” works myself? Is it because I critique with partners who also write romantica/erotica? I used to enjoy the tamer love stories and yet now I don’t so much. Is it like they say about pornography? Have I become desensitized?
Sure I think it has something to do with the types of stories I write. I tend to write on the hotter side of the scale. Cece said she needed to turn on a fan, Jordan said they are “scorching”, my Black Lace editor said she would have to tone done some of my descriptions (and Black Lace is erotica), but I don’t think that’s it.
Reading my cps’ work also isn’t the reason. If anything, reading their stories and their briliiantly drawn sexual tension has made me more of a connoisseur of great sexual scenes.
Basically, I think it’s because I believe sexual scenes should reveal the characters. It’s not about the act itself, but what’s revealed about the characters during the act. Is the hero holding back, is he trying to keep himself from falling in love? Is he trying to retain control or does he relish losing it? Is the heroine open about her sexuality or is she repressed? Is the act an exorcism of sorts, a purging of hurt and anger? Or is it a loving act, a joyous act? Can I see these people falling in love though the very intimate physical joining or is it lust (which I respect as much as love)? Hell, I don’t want my hubby to just love me, I want him to lust for me too. Don’t you?
When an author writes 300+ pages of romance with only tiny, paragraph length sexual scenes I don’t think I’m getting the whole picture. I don’t think the love story is complete or as detailed as it could be. So I’m not desensitized. In fact, I’m just the opposite. Falling in love is a very complex thing. In order to make that come alive for me in a book I need to see all the many facets and sex is a very important part of that to me.
Now I do have books on my keeper self that aren’t as descriptive, but get the point across nevertheless. I love these books, obviously or I wouldn’t be keeping them. But I do have a preference for books where the sexual heat of the story comes across. You know that tightness you get in your chest in a really poignant scene? Or that anxiousness you feel when the hero and heroine look like they’ll never be together and you really want them too? I like to feel the sexual tension just as much. It’s all part of the experience for me. A great book inspires the gamut of emotions. At least it should IMHO. 
I must admit that if the scenes are over done then I tend to skim, but so much of that has to do with the writing. I know I’m guilty of it, especially with my Atlanteans. Oh to be able to go back and rewrite… On the flipside, if a story is light on the sensuality I truly feel cheated. I think it’s because you build this guy up to be so much, then you shut the door as he takes his clothes off. I’m like WTF just happened. Blink. Blink. Blink. LOL! That will get me to toss a book quicker than anything. You don’t have to be graphic, but please, a couple of paragraphs are not going to kill you.
I, too, prefer the hotter, more descriptive books, but lately I’ve become a bit more ‘demanding’ re the quality of the story-telling, depth of characterization and meatiness of the plot. I think with the popularity of super-sensual books, there have been *some* books were unrelenting sexual tension and envelope pushing sex acts/love were substituted for plain old good, strong, writing, and the development of the ‘feelings of love’ had me scratching my head. It’s probably a result of becoming a writer myself, the internal editor doesn’t get completely shut off. I absolutely agree with you that lovescenes have to show and be about much more than Tab A into Slot B.
Interesting thoughts. I like hot sex scenes, when I like them
For instance, I’m a fan of Shannon McKenna.
But I also find that sometimes, when the scene is too focused on the physical, I look for the emotion and have trouble finding it. That sometimes the sex gets in the way of the emotions. I’m not sure why, as a reader, I have this reaction. It’s more likely to happen near the end of the book, if there have been one or two sex scenes already that have revealed quite a bit about the couple.
Anyway, I’m already going off on a tangent! Thank you for your thoughtful post.