Posts in Series for Annette McCleave
Hi, my name is Annette and I’m a historical romance writer guest-blogging on Sylvia’s site.
There’s been a lot of discussion about judging us as romance writers and I’m not going to go into that, exactly. Last night while having dinner with my parents, my dad looked me in the eye and said, maybe you should write another type of book other than romance. Now he did it in the nicest possible way, saying maybe the reason I haven’t been published yet is because my voice is more suitable for another genre. But come on, who can’t read between the lines? He was saying, stop writing trash and go write a real book. Of course, being me, I didn’t listen. I told him in no uncertain terms to stop dissing romance and get behind my decisions.
But it made me wonder how many other writers out there face this kind of sabotage from their immediate family. Unless you’re a very strong person, negative vibes of this sort could eventually stop you from writing. It’s way harder to dismiss comments from people who know you, and who profess to love you, especially when they’re wrapped in a blanket of good-intentions. But even those people close to you — if they say such things — are wrong. My dad, ‘helpful’ guy that he is, doesn’t know what he’s talking about (even though the sly fellow used all the right buzz words). I write romances because I love writing romances. And it’s my love for romances that drives me to keep improving my craft, and will take me to the finish line. It can’t work any other way.
For those of you who face this subtle, or in some cases blatant, derision-masquerading-as-kindness, all I can say is, don’t listen. Let your muse speak louder than the people around you. Find a support group, write away from home, or write after everyone’s gone to bed. Do whatever you need to, but for heaven’s sake don’t listen.
[...] to do it. What’s next….truck tits? Sylvia’s guest blogger posted about well-meaning family members who think we should write real books. This is somethin [...]
Annette - great to see you blogging here as a guest
I’m pretty lucky with my family - my dh is especially supportive. As is my former sister-in-law. She’s even read one of my mss and given me some helpful feedback.
I let my mom read my erotic stories and she was like “Oh my God.” She was all for it. Now I could not imagine showing my devout catholic father my writing.
I’m starting to realize how lucky I am . My family doesn’t care what I write. My mom gets a kick out of the fact that I write erotica, and my Dad and Bro don’t say anything. But it’s not a negative anything. They really just don’t care, as long as I’m enjoying what I do. Mind you, I doubt they’d ever buy one of my books, even IF I ever told them my pen name.
Family ‘friendly’ encouragement is always a weird thing. I believe my mom’s reaction to my writing romance came from two distinct places. The first being she doesn’t like romances or HEA in the books she reads. The second is a parent’s instinct to protect their child. She didn’t want me to get hurt. She did something similar when I wrote and sang music. (Discourage and encourage at the same time.) Not particularly helpful.
Anytime you choose to do something outside the norm (insert creative job here) you’re going to meet with resistance. Going off the beaten path brings up people’s deepest fears. It makes them take a long hard look at their own lives and ask themselves why they didn’t follow their dreams. (This phase is never pretty.) Your success is a constant reminder that they didn’t try. Eventually most people move past this and become genuinely happy and supportive. (Some don’t. You lose a lot of friends when you decide to blaze your own trail. Kind of like when you first get married.) It took two paperbacks on the shelves to get my mom to the happy point.
Great post, Annette!!
My hubby is looking forward to early retirement too. I tell him don’t hold his breath.
My mom is very proud of what I do, but my husband’s family gives me trouble. They think of it more like a hobby, something to piddle with but not pour your blood into.
My husband once told me if I had more “discipline” I could write something else. I even tried to write a sports mystery for him. But within a few chapters, I was already planning how to get the single detective set up with a woman. I guess romance is in me, that’s what I write, and the only thing discipline will bring me is solid, careful craft.
How did I finally “convert” my husband? I told him my career goal was to keep my day job (I have all our benefits) but someday make enough on the side writing that he could quit his job. Now I don’t get the LOOK every time I pull out my laptop.
Hi Annette!!!! I think at some point we ALL face it.