“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it all.” I think we’ve all heard that. However, I find that more often than not, it’s a case of “If you don’t have something nice to say, make it up.”
Writers post excerpts (I’m talking about myself too) or covers or whatever, and people comment on how much they like it. But really, when you don’t like it, shouldn’t you just not say anything at all? Why build up the author? Why say, “Great stuff!” and then go to your private writer’s group and say, “Lord, that was dreadful.” ?
After all the ruckus on RTB the other day, I was thinking about the goal RWA, RTB, and a great many writers have of making romance better. I don’t think we’re doing that if we say, “Wow, that was great.” but inside we think it tanked.
Please don’t think I’m referring to anyone or any group in particular. Like my Cyberlife post, this applies to regular life as well. You know what I mean. Your neighbor’s ugly baby or grasshopper green car.
But let’s talk about authors now.
For covers, well, hey, they probably had no control over that so saying something nice in commiseration is understandable. But excerpts and books you’ve purchased that just didn’t do it for you… I personally think it would be best not to say anything at all. I would prefer to know that every compliment I got was genuine, instead of wondering which ones were just meant to be nice. Of course, when your neighbor says, “Isn’t it fabulous?” and you’re standing right there, you kinda have to say that the grasshopper green car is great. But online, you have the option of surfing away rather than telling a lie. Why don’t more people just surf away? Why perpetrate the falsehood and then snark about it privately?
Let honesty be the way of it between you and I. I promise not to ask you what you thought and you promise to only say you liked it if you really did. 
And if someone does have a not-absolutely-positive comment (but not just a “I didn’t like it” one; something more constructive/informative than that) should it be e-mailed instead? Or just avoided altogether?
by Meljean March 31st, 2005 at 3:24 amAh-ha! (I really shouldn’t read blogs at 3:30am, when my brain capacity is apparently at its lowest). I get it — dishonest responses.
I absolutely agree with that — I never want to hear lies about my writing. I’d rather hear a negative comment than a lie.
by Meljean March 31st, 2005 at 3:31 amSylvia - I’m with you. Online I’ll just say nothing rather than lie to someone that I liked their blurb/excerpt/whatever. As you point it, in person it’s a LOT harder to do avoid answering and even harder to be honest, but in the cyberworld, we can make a conscious choice NOT to join in praising someone’s work unless we really mean it
by Teresa March 31st, 2005 at 6:00 amWhat you say makes absolutely sense.
by Maili March 31st, 2005 at 7:46 amI prefer to go with ‘the good with the bad’ approach, e.g. tell you what I like and don’t like about your piece of writing. That said, if I’m aware of the writer’s thin skin, I’m saying nowt. Unless I’m asked.
I find that, for me, lying to someone about their work is harder for me to cope with than bearing brunt of the person’s bad reaction towards my negative comments.
Don’t get me wrong - I do lie, especially when assuring people at work that everything’s fine when I know we’re in deep crap, but when comes to something they *created*, I can’t do it.
I suppose it comes from a time when my parents basically had me thinking that I’m the world’s best pianist when in reality, I was [and still am] the worst. When a friend clued me in on that one, it was a primitive shock [actually, I haven't really recovered from that realisation! lol!], so I prefer to face bad reactions to deceiving someone with my own reactions.
“I prefer to face bad reactions to deceiving someone with my own reactions.”
Uh. I meant: I prefer to face bad reactions THAN deceiving someone with my own reactions.
Sorry.
by Maili March 31st, 2005 at 7:48 amTrue! But since so much of WriterLife is online, it’s easier to lie because unless you reallyreally know the person, you aren’t sure whether your constructive criticism will go over well with the author(if said author is your CP). But yes, if authors kept their mouths shut instead of trashing their own genre in all facets of its character, I am positive that the positive vibes would trickle up from authors, to readers, and maybe to the general collective who look down upon the romance genre(and the comments about the “demerits” of romantica and Christians not reading it are echoes of what most people think the romance genre is about–sex). Yes it’s unfair, but situations like the RTB and others do make romance writers–who are all women–look fickle and unable to handle professionalism the way it’s supposedly said that other genres can.
by Evangeline March 31st, 2005 at 9:23 amI was always taught that to enact change, one must speak out. Now I’m learning that speaking out is a no-no. So I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
Stay tuned for a 3-month marathon of blog quizzes at shannonstacey.com. 
by Shannon March 31st, 2005 at 9:47 amI agree, it’s better to say nothing at all.:smile:
by Jordan March 31st, 2005 at 11:32 amShannon…I LOVE your honesty doll. And if you post nothing but quizes for the next three months I’ll hunt you down–k?
by Cece April 1st, 2005 at 7:20 am