My daughter–sweet darling baby that she is–is the most adorable, energetic ham (m-w: a showy performer; especially : an actor performing in an exaggerated theatrical style) when she’s around people she feels comfortable with. She’ll sing, dance, and tell you the funniest stories. But when she’s around people she doesn’t know or she’s in a crowd she becomes very quiet and reserved. Very shy. She gets queasy and has trouble eating.
I know exactly how she feels. I’ve been that way my whole life. Some people scoff at conferences when I tell them I’m shy and uncomfortable in crowds, because I’m comfortable with them and therefore am outgoing and boisterous with them. But when I don’t know anyone, I feel very much like my daughter does. Some people like crowds, others don’t. We don’t.
In kindergarten, recess and break were kept small. Mostly, she was with only her 19 classmates for the 3.5 hours and that’s it. Now that she’s in all-day 1st grade, recess and lunch are taken with hundreds of kids and she feels overwhelmed. She hasn’t been eating at school. Not at recess or lunch. If she’s lucky, she’ll keep down her breakfast. If not, she’ll be in the health office. For a recently turned 6 yr. old, it’s not a good thing to go all day with no food. As soon as I pick her up, she’s starving and eats like mad, but it’s not healthy to binge eat like that. She’s always been a lithe, athletic girl with six-pack abs. Now she’s getting too thin, I think.
The school is concerned and so am I. As I crossed the street to pick up my kids today, the crossing guard asked me about it. Apparently, her son had similar trouble when he was younger. The whole school is keeping an eye on it, because my daughter is such a sweet, pretty girl. She’s very popular with both kids and adults. That’s part of the problem. Kids crowd around her and want to sit with her and it becomes too much.
Because of my worry over her, I’m falling behind in my work and I’m having trouble concentrating. The To Do list is getting longer. I’m not sure what to do to make her acclimation easier. I’m thinking about going to school during the lunch hour and eating with her, but I’m worried that will only make things worse. But, because I know exactly how she feels, I can’t say, “She’ll get over it.” Yes, she will get over it, but in the meantime, she’s unhappy.
Anyway, that’s where my thoughts have been lately. My son’s doing well in third grade, so that’s a relief.
Oh my heart is breaking for your little girl. She really is a cutie, so it must be hard to know she’s not enjoying all the attention. What does she say when you’ve tried talking to her about it, letting her know that people just want to be her friend? Does she have one or two friends that she really likes to hang out with? I don’t have kids, so I’m out of my element here, and I was one of the unpopular kids in school, so I don’t have any personal experience to give you. But it must make you feel a little better knowing people are looking out for her. I hope she feels more comfortable soon. It’s hard on moms to watch their kids unhappy. Hugs to you all.
by Stacy ~ August 22nd, 2007 at 4:17 amSylvia, my son is currently in the third grade and when he started school he had similar issues. He is one of those kids who gets sick to the stomach just by SMELLING something that is off. It got so bad the first year of school that I was picking him up at least once a week. I kept explaining it to the office personnel because this was something the doctor could do nothing about. They ended up letting him eat outside of the cafeteria, since that is what triggered his problem.
by brownone August 22nd, 2007 at 4:34 amMy middle girl is in the first grade and has never had an eating issue, but she is SO thin! You can actually count ribs in the back and front! Her doctor told me she has zero body fat (it cannot be measured) and that she is so thin, when they listen to her heart they can hear the blood “whooshing” through her!
*hugs* Eating with her at lunch would probably help for a little while. My brother was like that and my Grandmother gave him a “wishing stone” also known as a worry stone. She told him to rub on it every time he got worried or afraid. You can get all kinds of shapes. Hearts, stars, even just a plain pretty river rock. It gives them something to hold on to when they feel like they’re being overwhelmed. It helped my brother.
When I was in high school it was really bad for me. For the first year I sat in the library and waited until lunch was over. Finally the librarians invited me to sit in the back and eat. It took me a while to find a group I was really comfortable with.
by Jessica Russell August 22nd, 2007 at 3:34 pmAhhhh, poor thing. I feel so badly for her. It’s a very hard thing to get bigger, isn’t it? Especially when you are uncomfortable in your surroundings.
And we always worry about our babies, no matter how old they get, don’t we? ((((Hugs))))
by Lori August 22nd, 2007 at 9:01 pm